All three of my parents - I also had a stepmother - were teachers, and my dad taught high school, and as he always reminded me when I was going to spend some money on something, 'Your mother and I, in the Depression, had to decide whether to spend a dime on a loaf of bread or if we could go to a movie with it.'

Great humorists are great insulters.

I'm not all that enthralled by show business, and I'm not that much of a highbrow.

The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I'm not aware of any scholarly, scientific or neurological studies on the subject.

In relative youth, we assume we'll remember everything. Someone should urge the young to think otherwise.

Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.

My dream was maybe someday, one night I can be a guest on a talk show, and then I will have achieved everything I want.