Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

Perhaps the saddest irony of depression is that suicide happens when the patient gets a little better and can again function sufficiently.

There is something about a Luger that separates it from all other handguns, and Luger devotees and Luger society members speak of it in romantic terms that must sound plain nuts to those who consider themselves level-headed.

History is not reassuring on the subject of the longevity of seemingly lasting great nations, is it?

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.

Meryl Streep belongs on anybody's list of greats.