Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

Every so often, there is an article saying the old kind of talk show isn't possible now. In the oldest kind of talk show, you only had the choice of that or two other channels!

An effective speaker can do more damage or more good in a well-stated minute than an angry klutz could do in half an hour.

Why are sex and violence always linked? I'm afraid they'll blur together in people's minds - sexandviolence - until we can't tell them apart. I expect to hear a newscaster say, "The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex."

I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.