Because you make me laugh don't make you a comic. A comedian is a person who, that's how they make their living.

Everything we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can't afford it.

[A politician is] a person skilled in the art of compromise. Usually an elected official who has compromised to get nominated, compromised to get elected, and compromised repeatedly to stay in office.

Luck is opportunity meeting up with preparation. So you must prepare yourself to be lucky.

I feel that the same God-force that is the mother and father of the Pope is also the mother and father of the loneliest wino on the planet.

Race baiters and discriminators may go underground, but they never move out of town.

If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market.