Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.

Life's too damn funny for me to explain.

Man cannot be uplifted; he must be seduced into virtue

Poetry is what Milton saw when he went blind.

If the world were not so full of people, and most of them did not have to work so hard, there would be more time for them to get out and lie on the grass, and there would be more grass for them to lie on.

There was once a Hindu sage, who sat down on the banks of the Ganges and thought for seventy years about the millennium. Just as he arrived at the solution and was putting it into verse, a mosquito stung him and he forgot it again at once.