Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.

I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, "Don, get up at a party and tell a joke," I'm the worst.

When I'm onstage, I'm acting.

Everything I do on stage, I made up in saloons. I started doing it in front of people, and that became my performance. I never had writers.

It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great.

When you're 18, you're just so busy being scared and having fun - a crazy mixture - that you never thought of dying.

I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.