Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Everything I do on stage, I made up in saloons. I started doing it in front of people, and that became my performance. I never had writers.

To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

You've got to be able to sell yourself.

I would describe myself as a guy that's very normal but has the tendency to rib people, but never in a mean-spirited way.