Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend!

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

People think being in your seventies means sitting around in a chair with a blanket over your legs, drooling.

So many young people think the big sex act is the whole movie, but that's not the case. You need to be able to talk and laugh and cry together.

I never went out looking for glory.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.