Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend!

It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great.

I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our weaknesses and exaggerating them, and that's how it becomes funny.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.