When you're 18, you're just so busy being scared and having fun - a crazy mixture - that you never thought of dying.

Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.

I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

I don't feel an obligation to give everyone a hard time, but when they're important people, it's fun.

To this day, to this very day, except for television, I've never had a writer. Anything I've ever done on the stage, happened on the stage and I developed it from there. It started doing impressions and jokes - which I did very poorly. To this day I can't tell a joke. That sounds nuts, but it's true. I exaggerate it and it becomes a joke. Everything I've ever done I've done out on the stage and it became a performance over many many years.