I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great.

In the old days, that was my ad-lib for hecklers in the joints I worked. It stuck with me. I hardly say it now, say, to fans, even though people do send me hockey pucks.

Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.

My main success was an attitude. Always an attitude.

Regis Philbin is very successful in his own right. We have a new thing where he have chairs and we sit and talk to each other about my career and his career. It works pretty well if I do say so.