I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Everything I do on stage, I made up in saloons. I started doing it in front of people, and that became my performance. I never had writers.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

I still have drive, but everything is relative.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.