When you do see me, you'll get the idea from when you see me that it's all off the top of my head. A lot of it is a beginning, middle and the end. But it's different every night. I have a lot of jokes in my back pocket I've said over the years.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.

I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all my years in Vegas.

When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.