When I'm onstage, I'm acting.

I was with George Washington at Valley Forge, sitting around before an attack... gimme a break. That's over 70 years ago already.

I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.

Al Capone's my uncle. The old days were a lot different. The Latin Casino was the big time. When I got there I figured that I was doing pretty good, because remember, I started in nothing but after hours joints. I can't even name them now, but that's how I got noticed.

It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great.

Hell, do I remember the first joke? I was never a jokester.

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.