When you talk about George Burns you're talking about a living legend . . . well, a legend, anyhow.

When you do see me, you'll get the idea from when you see me that it's all off the top of my head. A lot of it is a beginning, middle and the end. But it's different every night. I have a lot of jokes in my back pocket I've said over the years.

It takes many years to be a great comedian.

Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.

What I do is, I make fun of people and I make fun of myself and things around us and exaggerate things. And I'm never mean-spirited. See, the word insult means some guy who's a real unkind human being. But I don't do that, because otherwise I wouldn't be headlining all these years, thank god, and all these people showing up to see me.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

Women were afraid of me, they were scared to death. But I always say be yourself, if you're funny then let your sense of humor go there. I mean there's no sense hiding what you feel.