Most people think I'm Danny Glover's son when they meet me. So when they ask, I say 'No, I'm Crispin Glover's son.' Then we stare at each other for a long time.

Girls who used to tell me I ain't cool enough now text me pics saying you can tear this up!

I come around when you least expect me! I'm sitting at the bar when your glass is empty!

I'm very impatient, so I was like, 'I want to be able to do whatever I want now.' But even the biggest stars - you look back and they weren't overnight.

We lay out our lives in a narrative we understand, like a movie, but are you enjoying making it or are you wondering who's watching my movie.

You used to have to beg and be the busboy to do standup. I got on Community because people saw my videos on YouTube, which were free.

I hate it when you really think you're getting something good... and you don't listen to your dudes when you really should.