When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

The better alternative to fighting a guy, go have sex with his girlfriend. That's how you knock a dude out!

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test.

Tiger Woods is a billionaire. Do you know how much ass you can get with a billion dollars? I know guys with $20 and a pack of Newports who'd try to screw your whole neighborhood.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.