When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.

Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything son.

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone?

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.