When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

Tiger Woods is a billionaire. Do you know how much ass you can get with a billion dollars? I know guys with $20 and a pack of Newports who'd try to screw your whole neighborhood.

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!