Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.

Benchley and I had an office in the old Life magazine that was so tiny, if it were an inch smaller it would have been adultery.

Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad - Broke my brittle heart in two; And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke; And that, I think, is worse.

Money was made, not to command our will, But all our lawful pleasures to fulfill. Shame and woe to us, if we our wealth obey; The horse doth with the horseman away.