This must be a gift book. That is to say a book, which you wouldn't take on any other terms.

Guido Natso is natso guido.

[On being told party guests were ducking for apples:] There, but for a typographical error, is the story of my life.

The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!

Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.

I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets.... you will find me and Morpheus, off in a corner, necking.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.