[On an actor who'd broken her leg in London:] Oh, how terrible. She must have done it sliding down a barrister.

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

Guido Natso is natso guido.

There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Benchley and I had an office in the old Life magazine that was so tiny, if it were an inch smaller it would have been adultery.