Now that you've got me right down to it, the only thing I didn't like about The Barrets of Wimplole Street was the play.

All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.

[Hospitalized and pressing the nurse's button before dictating letters to her secretary:] This should assure us of at least forty-five minutes of undisturbed privacy.

Just begin a story with such a phrase as 'I remember Disraeli - poor old Dizz! - once saying to me, in answer to my poke in the eye,' and you will find me and Morpheus off in a corner, necking.

Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad - Broke my brittle heart in two; And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke; And that, I think, is worse.

I was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia.

The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.