I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.
Doug StanhopeIf you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.
Doug StanhopeMy first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?
Doug StanhopeYou want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
Doug Stanhope