Canada, the drinking age is 18, that's unnecessary. Nobody wants to get loaded around people who have hope and their whole lives still ahead of them.

[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.

A lot of the Olympic games just boil down to genetics. Michael Phelps is genetically built to swim better than other people if he trains the same way. You might as well have a competition for who's the tallest, and act like it's anyone's game!

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.

There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.

I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it's in the news. That's the guy that comes off like you have to be angry every week about new topics and snotty about something. That's what I'm trying to avoid.