Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid.

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.