Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.
There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.
Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.
Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.