The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.

You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but you're still really paranoid afterwards. It's fun entertainment.

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?

Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.

Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.