Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.