I recommend to you, in my last, an innocent piece of art: that of flattering people behind their backs, in presence of those who, to make their own court, much more than for your sake, will not fail to repeat, and even amplify, the praise to the party concerned. This is of all flattery the most pleasing, and consequently the most effectual.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.

I'm forty four; I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.

I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see whos funniest, with everyone treated equally.

Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company.

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!