People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do... which sucked a lot.

Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.

I wish the 50 states would break up. Lose the centralised government. More choice. How do you want to live, there's 50 different ways! You hate black people? We've a state for that. You wanna have an abortion? Here's a state. I think we should just keep breaking up countries now so they become just individuals.