People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do... which sucked a lot.

If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.

Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.

Statistical high Vegas odds probability is that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you in your entire boring life.

Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.

Did you ever try to sleep sober?

Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid.