You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; it would be different if it was your own child. Well what if it wasn't?

I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.

Did you ever try to sleep sober?

The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.