As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.

There are some occasions in which a man must tell half his secret, in order to conceal the rest; but there is seldom one in which a man should tell all. Great skill is necessary to know how far to go, and where to stop.

I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.

Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it's different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.