If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.

Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.

The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.

It is a great advantage for any man to be able to talk or hear, neither ignorantly nor absurdly, upon any subject; for I have known people, who have not said one word, hear ignorantly and absurdly; it has appeared by their inattentive and unmeaning faces.

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.