"Close your mouth when you chew." That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.

Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in.

I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.

I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.

You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.