"Close your mouth when you chew." That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.

Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.

When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.