Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?

I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.

You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; it would be different if it was your own child. Well what if it wasn't?

It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.

The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.