Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?

AA makes Scientology look credible.

The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

All traditions are stupid unless you came up with it yourself.

Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

There’s a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.