Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD

Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.