That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby - go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.

I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.

I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.

Old people always tell you: 'When you've been around as long I have, then you can argue.' As soon as they're ripped off, it's a different story.