That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.

There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act.

I drink every night. But I don't hang out and party. Not that I'm selling out Madison Square Garden, but in the old days after a show you could hang out with a few people. But now you're hanging around with 20 people, all of whom don't know each other, and they're all, "Leave my outgoing greeting on my voice mail, man, come on!"

If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.

If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.

I wish the 50 states would break up. Lose the centralised government. More choice. How do you want to live, there's 50 different ways! You hate black people? We've a state for that. You wanna have an abortion? Here's a state. I think we should just keep breaking up countries now so they become just individuals.

Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company.