Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.

The reputation of generosity is to be purchased pretty cheap; it does not depend so much upon a man's general expense, as it does upon his giving handsomely where it is proper to give at all. A man, for instance, who should give a servant four shillings, would pass for covetous, while he who gave him a crown, would be reckoned generous; so that the difference of those two opposite characters, turns upon one shilling.

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

"Close your mouth when you chew." That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen.

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!