Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.

I don't know. Both my parents are dead. So? Wait, I got pictures of their corpses in my wallet. I had them blown up as murals. Here.

The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.

I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.

Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.

I don't like being in the UK for every other reason aside from the show. It's aesthetically uncomfortable to me on almost every level for reasons that might sound petty but I can't get past. The audiences are far more challenging and while I wouldn't say I prefer it, I certainly need it to ward off my inherent laziness.

If you're in high-school and you're not having fun, quit.