I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.

People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do... which sucked a lot.

The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying: 'What are you going to do about that, faggot?' That is cowardice. When the bullets start flying past that jock's saucer-shaped ears, that's not cowardice. That's payback.

Why even moon a sorority girl if they can't see the swingy egg bag part of it?

If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.