We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.

I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.

Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.

You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.