We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.

All traditions are stupid unless you came up with it yourself.

Canada, the drinking age is 18, that's unnecessary. Nobody wants to get loaded around people who have hope and their whole lives still ahead of them.

Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?