Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.

I wish the 50 states would break up. Lose the centralised government. More choice. How do you want to live, there's 50 different ways! You hate black people? We've a state for that. You wanna have an abortion? Here's a state. I think we should just keep breaking up countries now so they become just individuals.

Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.

Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid.

It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.

Statistical high Vegas odds probability is that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you in your entire boring life.

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.