A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.

The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.

I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see whos funniest, with everyone treated equally.

If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.