A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.

The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.

People want an idol. They want royalty. They don't want a public servant. Hell no. They want someone to clap for and go, "Oh, he touched my hand at the rally!"

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?

I'm forty four; I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.

Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.

People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.