I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

When you come out of that pink ugly hole onto this planet you're nothing but a gooey shrieking wrinkled ball of weakness.

All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.