I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.

When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.

I'm forty four; I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.

I don't know. Both my parents are dead. So? Wait, I got pictures of their corpses in my wallet. I had them blown up as murals. Here.

There’s a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.

The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.