There’s a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.

There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.

I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.

You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; it would be different if it was your own child. Well what if it wasn't?

Not only are the voices in your head real, but they're accurate as well.

You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.

I wish the 50 states would break up. Lose the centralised government. More choice. How do you want to live, there's 50 different ways! You hate black people? We've a state for that. You wanna have an abortion? Here's a state. I think we should just keep breaking up countries now so they become just individuals.