You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.

What did you learn in school that you still use today? Go ahead teachers, tell me. What? Fear, conformity, don't question authority.

There are some occasions in which a man must tell half his secret, in order to conceal the rest; but there is seldom one in which a man should tell all. Great skill is necessary to know how far to go, and where to stop.

If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.

I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.