One UK paper described me as a "miserablist", a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.

If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.

If you have a good product. You don't need to advertise. You've done drugs? Did you ever see them advertised?

If you're in high-school and you're not having fun, quit.

Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in.

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.