I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.

It's our flaws who make us who we are.

I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.

I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.

That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.

I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.