If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.

We must not suppose that, because a man is a rational animal, he will, therefore, always act rationally; or, because he has such or such a predominant passion, that he will act invariably and consequentially in pursuit of it. No, we are complicated machines; and though we have one main spring that gives motion to the whole, we have an infinity of little wheels, which, in their turns, retard, precipitate, and sometime stop that motion.

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.

I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.

I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.