I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see whos funniest, with everyone treated equally.

Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.

Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.

Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.

AA makes Scientology look credible.