Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.

I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.