Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.

There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.

Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.

The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need to be known anymore than I am. The slight sliver of fame I do have is hard to deal with. If I was actually well-known - I don't even know what to say to people who are at my show when I walk into the venue, much less having waitresses in diners asking for my autograph.