Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.

Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.