Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, Im not going to avoid it on the chance that a small portion of the audience might take it the wrong way.

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

Canada, the drinking age is 18, that's unnecessary. Nobody wants to get loaded around people who have hope and their whole lives still ahead of them.

If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.

If you have a good product. You don't need to advertise. You've done drugs? Did you ever see them advertised?

If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.